Mom keeps trying to leave the house

If it is dusk right now

Five things, keyed to the clock.

1. 4 pm
   Lamps on before the light changes. The Alzheimer's Association says to keep the home well lit in the evening; low lighting adds shadows, and shadows add confusion.
2. 5 pm
   Something in her hands: towels to fold, the table to set. The Association's wandering page says to involve the person in daily activities.
3. 6 pm
   If she says she has to go, do not argue with the destination. "Let's get your coat. Have a cup of tea with me first." The scripts are on the doorway page.
4. bedtime
   Coat, purse, shoes and keys out of sight, the NIA's list of signs of departure to put away. Night lights from her bed to the bathroom.
5. 2 am
   If she is not in bed: the house, the yard, the street. At fifteen minutes, the Association says to call 911 and state that she has dementia. The sequence is on the first fifteen minutes page.

Eight pages, in the order the night happens

1. 4 pm
   What is sundowning and what do I do about it?The window, what sets it off, and the dusk routine to try first.
2. 5:30 pm
   How to talk to someone with dementia who wants to leaveScripts for the front hall, and what not to say.
3. 6 pm
   Dad thinks he has to go to work: what do I say?Why correcting hurts, and what answers the feeling instead.
4. bedtime
   How to keep someone with dementia from leaving the house at nightAlarms, locks out of sight, camouflage, night lights, trackers, and the rule before any of them.
5. 2 am
   What to do when someone with dementia wanders offHouse, yard, street, then 911 at fifteen minutes; how the Endangered Silver Advisory is activated.
6. any hour
   Is it safe to leave a parent with dementia alone?The stove, the phone, the door, the car, and what each answer points to.
7. all night
   Dementia parent up all night: the night-shift planDaytime changes, a family rotation, and what an overnight caregiver does.
8. daytime
   Alzheimer's Association St. Louis chapter helpline, and the other lifelinesThe 24/7 Helpline, the Missouri Chapter, Aging Ahead, the city's agency, the Knight ADRC.

If a neighbor called

She was outside in her house shoes and somebody who still has your number walked her home. Thank that neighbor, and give her your cell number in writing; the Alzheimer's Association says to ask neighbors, friends and family to call if they see the person wandering. Six in 10 people living with dementia will wander at least once, and many do so repeatedly. The neighbor is your early warning, not the plan. The plan is the safe-exit checklist and the night-shift page.

Just diagnosed: the first week's list

If the appointment was this month, here is what the public sources put first.

• Call the Alzheimer's Association 24/7 Helpline, 800-272-3900, free and open around the clock, once, so the number is warm.
• Tell the neighbors and the local police she may walk, and put a recent photo by the door: the NIA's advice.
• Start the paperwork while she can take part: the NIA lists a will, living will, health care power of attorney, and financial power of attorney.
• Walk the house with the alone questions: the stove, the phone, the door, the car.
• Write down the time her hard hour starts, for a week, and take the page to her doctor.

Ask for a call back

This form goes to New Plan Care, the paid placement above, and to nobody else. It is not a match service or a ranking. If you would rather talk than type, call (314) 405-0887.

If your situation is different

What this site is not

It is not a clinic and not a match service. Help at home is non-medical: company, a routine, meals, help with dressing, someone awake near the door. Nobody here can tell you what her diagnosis means; those questions belong with her doctor. No prices, no reviews, no analytics tag. The one commercial thing here is labelled every time it appears.